Today I woke up feeling so angry. I knew there are others going through far worse, far more devastating things, in their lives. But today, today I was angry that everything seems to be a struggle. I was tired of working so hard to inch forward, only to have other things come in and push me back that much further.
I was angry the entire time I inched my way forward towards my parents' house, spending an hour and a half on a drive that should have taken half an hour. I was angry at the shaking steering wheel and broken wipers. I was angry because my young son needs pants that aren't too short. I was angry trying to calculate the cost of gas to make the ride. I was angry the places I've applied to wouldn't hire me, that I didn't have a second job yet. Then I felt guilty because maybe it was good they hadn't hired me, because it meant I didn't have to give up sleep.
I made it safely to my parents' house, and I let go of some of that anger, knowing how thankful I was that I had my mom and dad, that my dad would be able to check out the car. I was thankful that ny dad took my son out with him and taught him how to check the u joints and tires. The battle against anger was still there...I already knew how bad my tires were. I was angry that done people take such things for granted, like having a safe vehicle to get around in. And then we made plans to try and get that taken care of tomorrow. My dad remembered the windshield wipers, the wipers that a friend had surprised me with, and a little piece of my car was new again.
From here we ventured on. We were off and down the road to enjoy a lunch of pizza and some great company. It was nice to just sit and let things be what they would be. It was nice to hear laughter. It was nice to see smiles. It was nice to have a few quiet moments tucked inside the surroundings of some really wonderful people.
And it was off again. We were creeping off in the car, further than before, for a friend's birthday dinner. We arrived late, our friends are quite understanding, and we were once again enjoying the laughter of even more wonderful people. Each of us has our own worries, and there is such ease in setting your own worry to the side to support somebody else in a moment. There were stories to be shared, laughter to be made, smiles to be had. There were hugs, even from those reluctant to give them, and then we were off again.
Finally home, things settled in once again. I attempted my push ups (I am trying), and there were more jokes to be made. "Mom, don't do the girly p...oh, nevermind, you are a girl..." "If zombies came, and the only thing that would save you is a pushup, well, you'd be a goner..." There were more smiles, more laughter. All of the morning's anger had been put back into its place, and the focus is again, at least for the moment, on trying to figure out how to move forward and stopping to appreciate what I do have. This leads to today's pictures...little glimpses of the pieces of the day that put anger back into its place.
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